Leaving Behind The Misfit
by Chicken Scratchings
Summary: Tony remembers the night Gibbs left for Mexico. Tibbs.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Do I really need this? Either way, NCIS is not mine.**

**A/N: Okay, well. Wow. This came out of nowhere. Seriously, my fingers started typing without consulting my brain and I ended up with this. I hope you like it. I don't usually do Tibbs but I wrote my first one as little drabble for another fic and found these two just write so well together. **

**Sorry if Gibbs is a bit OOC. I wanted to write him as the reluctant one (at the end, when I knew what the hell I **_**was**_** writing) and so he's a lot less 'screw-the-consequences' Gibbs. Because really, everyone's got to have a weakness. Why can't Tony be his?**

**Enjoy, and please let me know what you think :)**

There had always been tension between them. Looks that lasted too long, gazes that were more intense than the situation called for. Being close, physically, right inside each other's personal bubble. Always in his face or over his shoulder, so near they shared the same breaths.

But they'd been like that for years. Closer than co-workers, too much electricity between them to be just friends. Oh, the electricity. Sometimes just a look, thrown casually across the bullpen, would send shocks down his spine and leave his skin tingling. And other times, when their emotions were raging, blood pumping, the rage and anger that their jobs inspired spilled over, and the air between them almost burned. They'd shout and yell and Tony would swear that they'd both been seared with sparks. It was an intense but unshakeable relationship.

Or so he'd thought. In a whirlwind of anger and bitterness, Gibbs had left for Mexico. Left behind NCIS and his home and the city. Left Tony standing shore side, stepping into shoes he knew would be a challenge to fill. Tony did it with skill and charm, the same way he tackled everything. Things kept moving, life went on, and the bullpen didn't always feel so empty.

The same couldn't be said for Tony. His mind played tricks on him; more times than he could count he automatically ordered Gibbs' coffee or braced himself for the headslap that wouldn't, couldn't reach him from Mexico. He covered up any slips. He learnt to be more careful around the team. McGee and Ziva were fond of reminding him that he wasn't Gibbs.

He wanted to scream at them. 'No, I'm not Gibbs! Gibbs left! The misfits, the ones who had never found a home until this, never felt a part of anything until we were here. We're the ones he left behind to go build boats with Franks. Dammit, he has a basement for that! He wants to build boats? I'll buy him a damn shipyard! Wants to see the sea? There, now, you've seen it! Come back, you bastard! I thought we were more important to you than that. I thought I meant something. I thought…'

In the end, it was easier not to think at all.

But hell, he missed him. The electricity, the intensity, the heated rush of blood when he unexpectedly appeared behind him, as he always did. He hated that he missed him. After the way they'd left things between them, Tony wasn't even sure what he'd do if he ever did see Gibbs again.

He had to keep reminding himself that Gibbs wasn't dead. But it was hard to tell the difference when he felt his absence like a lost limb. He didn't even know how to contact him, short of flying a long way south.

There had been a moment, just before he'd left. One moment of hope that he wasn't the only one feeling the electricity. Standing on Gibbs' porch, the midnight rain soaking him to the bone. Refusing to go inside unless Gibbs promised to stay. The glare, in his weary eyes, just didn't cause the usual subordination this time.

"_Can't glare at me like that now. You quit. You're not my boss anymore."_

_The glare continued but Tony could see the strain underneath it, the emotions that his boss usually kept so well hidden, breaking through the cracks. Though the rain was cold, Tony's simmering anger kept him from feeling it. It overflowed into his voice, his words clipped, sharp. Jaw clenched and teeth grinding. _

"_Never had you down for a quitter, bo-… Guess, I shouldn't call you that now right?"_

"_Tony-"_

"_No. I get that you hate the politics. The bastard idiots up the ladder who make the worst calls and don't have to live with the consequences that we have to deal with. But they've always been there. Always will be." He stepped closer, getting right into Gibbs' face. Either side of the doorway; one in, one out. Tony leant into the frame, hand gripping so tightly his knuckles were white. "But we're the boots on the ground. We get around all the crap the Powers That Be throw our way. We have to. How can you just walk away from that?"_

_A pause, painful and painted red. "You done?"_

_Tony let out a snort. "You clearly are."_

_Gibbs eyes flashed with an anger so intense that Tony flinched. The silence between them grew, and the electricity flew between them like a thunderstorm. Tony met Gibbs' eyes and held them. Conflicting emotions flashed through them too fast to read. Gibbs' seemed to be reading Tony as much as Tony was trying to understand what was flying through Gibbs head. Gibbs closed his eyes for half a second and breathed in deeply, before saying, "Tony, you're soaked and dripping rain water all over my porch. Either get in the damn house or go home."_

"_You staying?"_

_Gibbs' glare was almost pitying and Tony had to fight the urge to punch him._

"_Fine, leave. Go to Mexico. Retire and leave everyone here, wishing you were with us. But just tell me this Gibbs." Tony's voice held so much bitterness and angry resignation as he asked, "Nothing is pulling you away from us. From me. And we both know you're reason for leaving is a load of bull. So tell me," his voice dropped, a sadness creeping into his words that he had tried desperately to hide, "what is pushing you away?"_

_Gibbs said nothing. He stared at Tony as if seeing him for the first time. His eyes wandered over his face, gaze hovering slightly longer over his lips before returning to his eyes. Tony was close to tears and thankful the rain made sure he was the only one who knew that. He held his breath, wanting, hoping for an answer that would make everything okay, wipe away the hurt more than any amount of rain could ever do. _

_Gibbs raised a hand, oh so slowly, eyes locked on Tony. He reached up, until his hand was raised level with his own face. In stunned silence Tony watched as Gibbs' open palm drifted nearer to his cheek. He resisted the almost overwhelming need to lean into his hand. Gibbs' hand came within an inch of settling on Tony's wet cheek, his thumb hovering over his lips. _

_Tony's chest tightened painfully as he willed silently to Gibbs to keep going, beseeching him with his eyes to just make that first step. To reach out. To accept._

_With a sudden growl of frustration and anger Gibbs hand clenched into a fist and he slammed it into the door frame next to Tony's face. His head dropped and he drew in rough, growling breaths._

_Tony's heart felt like it had just dropped like a stone into his stomach. The stab of hurt seared through him like blazing fire. It lit him up with a rage and disappointment bordering on disgust._

_Gibbs spoke low. "Go home Tony."_

_His fist clenched and with almost hysterical tone he stepped back and said "Fine." He threw his arms up in the air and started walking backwards in the rain, away from Gibbs. "The great Leroy Jethro Gibbs ladies and gentleman! Running away from something he can't even admit to himself!"_

"_Tony!"_

"_Forget it." And without a glance back Tony slammed the car door behind him and drove away, speeding desperately away, through the midnight storm like a ghost. _

**Knowing my track record this will probably be a one-shot, but it might not. Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism appreciated (like I said, sorry if Gibbs was OOC). Reviews make me rather happy :) **


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Woah, I was overwhelmed with how popular this was. Thanks to everyone who alerted or favourited this story, and a special thanks to everyone who took the time to review :) you seriously made my day. It also inspired me to continue this, even if it's only for this next chapter. I'm totally winging this, so a follow-up chapter will come when I have an idea of where to take this. I haven't exactly left Gibbs very… accepting, and I'd like to change that.**_

_**Anywho, enjoy!**_

_**-/**_

Gibbs came home in an explosion of danger and rescue and time constraints. Save Ziva. The white knight riding in to save the damsel in distress. Tony felt ashamed at the spike of envy he felt towards Ziva for that. _I wasn't enough to make him stay, yet you can bring him back? _In his head he knew it was a totally different situation. Ziva was in genuine danger. She could die. Gibbs would come back to save a life.

He just wasn't prepared to stay so he could live his own.

_Ignore it. _Tony repeated these words in his head like a mantra. The surge of raw emotion upon hearing his rough voice on the phone. _Ignore it._ The urge to flash a devilish smirk and flirtingly tease him about that awful moustache, all the while thinking about how it would change the way his kiss would feel. _Ignore it_. The urge, the need to drag him to dark, lonely room and scream at him, yelling until his throat was raw, and then slamming him into the wall and kissing him so hard he couldn't think straight.

_God dammit. Ignore it. For God's sake, please, give me the strength to ignore it. _

Tony might not have been able to do so, had he not seen Gibbs face. When he'd first got back there had been no time or opportunity for Tony to speak to him alone, talk things through. Not that Gibbs would want to. That was clear as soon as he set eyes on him, for the first time after that night. His expression was all too clear.

_It happened, but it's the past. Move on. Forget it. _

So Tony tried, even though it nearly killed him. It was almost two months after Gibbs returned that the topic of that night was finally brought up; the one thing they both refused to mention.

-/

_It had been a long case. Witnesses had been liars, evidence had been lacking, forensics had been unhelpful, suspects had been few and far between. A taxing, draining case for everyone involved. But the bastard responsible had been caught and all that was left to do was file the reports. _

_The bullpen was empty except for Gibbs and Tony. Everyone else had finally given up the fight against sleep, having rubbed at their eyes for the hundredth time, packed up and gone home. It was nearing midnight._

_With a sigh Tony stood up, cracked his weary back and headed over to Gibbs desk, throwing a bundle of papers in front of him. "My report. I think that's everything."_

_Gibbs nodded his approval. _

"_I could stay and go over it, if you want. I haven't proof-read it yet and I know you hate it when a report is full of typos."_

_Gibbs gave him the once over, taking in his ruffled clothes and tired expression. Without thinking he said, "Go home Tony."_

_They both froze. The words echoed around them, reverberating from that night. A totally different situation, but said with the same weariness. Tony's hand tightened into a fist at his side and he didn't breathe for a painfully long minute, refusing to look up at Gibbs._

_When he finally did, Gibbs face showed the same shock that he felt. As if a bolt of electricity had struck him. _

_Tony took an involuntary step back._

_Gibbs stood up quickly and raised his hands, as if unsure of what to do with them. "That's not what I-" He paused. "I didn't mean to bring that up."_

"_No, no. I get it." Tony backed up, moving towards his desk. He sounded unconvincing even to himself. His voice was too high, too wobbly, his movement too awkward and erratic. "You know, it is late and I am tired. It's probably a good idea if I just head on home." He was babbling. He never babbled. Damn emotions, coursing through him causing him to forget how to shut up. A cascade of memories, sharper in his mind than he wanted. Gibbs hand reaching for him, the look of conflict in his eyes. Ignore it. Ignore it. _

"_Tony-"_

"_No, it's okay. I'll just grab my stuff." He picked up his coat and rucksack and walked hurriedly towards the elevator, turning halfway back to say "I'll see you tomorrow Boss."_

"_Tony, don't run away."_

_He froze._

_Anger shot through him like poison and he slowly, oh so slowly, turned back to face Gibbs. His shoulders tightened, his chest heaved and his eyes bred thunder. "Don't you dare," he spat, "tell me not to run away." He threw his coat and bag on the floor and stormed over to Gibbs, getting right up in his face, palm pushing against his chest. He could feel his heart beating, even faster than his own. "After the stunt you pulled, you have no right."_

"_You think I wanted to leave?" Gibbs rage burned against Tony's skin._

"_No but I sure as hell think you were too much of a coward to stay!" They were both shouting now, yelling with uncontrolled volume, tone spitting venom. _

"_Well maybe I am a coward! Maybe I am scared! So what the hell does that make you? Looking up to someone who can't even face their own fears!"_

"_Admit you're scared, that's good! So am I Gibbs! Ever stop to think that this isn't just you here?" Tony snarled, heart pounding. He drew a deep breath and stared into Gibbs eyes, his own rage and lust and heat reflected back at him. "But here I am. I'm done running." He paused, catching his own ragged breath, feeling Gibbs heart race beneath his fingers. "How about you?"_

_Gibbs stared at Tony for a long moment, chest heaving with angry breaths. His eyes, fierce and bright, his whole body singing with adrenaline. With a vicious growl, he suddenly grabbed the back of Tony's neck by the scruff of his hair and crushed his lips to his._

_At first the shock stopped Tony from responding, but it didn't take long until he fought back with equal ferocity, vying for dominance in the kiss. He pushed him away, and clawed him closer. Gibbs ran a hand up his shirt, and dug his nails into his back, drawing a moan from Tony. He kissed his way down his neck, biting and leaving angry red marks along his skin. _

_Gibbs pushed forwards and Tony's legs slammed into the desk. He barely noticed, and continued trying to breathe in everything that was Gibbs, who fought back with a raging violent passion, overflowing with lust and need and desperation and denial. _

_With a crash they collapsed to floor, burning alive in each other's clawing, desperate arms. _

-/

The next morning was like every other morning. No outward sign that last night they'd shared more than just a moment, more than just a late night at work. Not even a knowing look, or a gaze held just that bit too long. For the entire world to see, they were working normally. Co-workers, friends, nothing more.

Only the angry red scratch marks down his back let Tony know it wasn't a dream.

_**-/**_

_**Not exactly a happy ending, but we're getting there. Reviews = love. **_


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